Here comes a rant…
i can’t have you keep telling me that i dont love you. Im getting tired of you telling me what i feel about you or any other guy. Im tired of you telling me that i dont love you. Im tired of me having to prove that i love you.
It makes me feel like i have to prove myself continuously because i might have something done. What’s worse is that you might be right, what if you are. what if everything you say about me, about not loving you is actually true. I guess that’s the thing that bothers me the most. The fact that you might actually convince me, one day, that i dont love you, that i love nathan or ibu or ajay or some other dude.
And now you’ve texted me. I dont know what to say. Maybe if you really do feel that way, that i dont love you, that i dont like you… maybe you should just end it. Because a relationship is with 2 people where both love each other, mutually. Because everytime i think about this, about the pain that you cause me when you make me feel like im not worth you, is like someone put a heavy weight on my chest and everytime i breath, i feel the weight crushing my chest.
I guess it seems like you are a dream that im waiting to end because, honestly, what are you doing with an ugly-indian like me and because nothing good actually lasts in my life. And it’d just be easier if you’d let me go rather than leading me on, pretending that i actually have a chance with you… testing and torturing me. might as well end it now than keep making me believe in this fairytale, this thing that i thought i actually had a chance at.
its like a longer version of what ronak did to me in freshman year. Except you are worse. You dragged me along this 6 months, making me fall in love with you where really, you were just kidding all along. Toying with me, breaking me. I mean, you did do that whole thing with kayla kim… those posts man. The part that hurt the most was when i realized that it went both ways, that you were as part of the whole flirtationess that she was in. Marrying her and other fucking shit. Oh, and there was that one time (before we were together), that you made me feel like the most unattractive girls in the world. That even hugging me is unbarable. I mean, even though we weren’t together, we were friends.. right? atleast i thought we were pretty good friends.
I guess i should have seen the signs. The signs were you really weren’t into me.
whatever… maybe i’ll get over it. I’ll probably just keep this bottled in because i dont want this to end but i guess thats not really right.
whatever. maybe this feeling will go away tomorrow?